Fear
by simmi63
Summary: "I'm afraid too, Draco. I'm afraid to get up tomorrow and see that nothing has changed. I'm afraid of who they want me to be and I'm afraid to change. I am always afraid." She started to cry again. "Can't you see? I'm trapped and there is nothing I can do."


Fears

It was never loud in the library, the books seemed to absorb any noise that was made, and most of the time this silence was a comfort to her. Tonight, however, that comfort was broken. Tonight the quiet hurt. It cut and burned, because in it she heard everything that haunted her and tormented her. She sat ensconced in a winged armchair in the darkest, most silent part of the cavernous room; she was curled in on herself sobbing. The books around her hid her from any accidental view, and none would approach even if they had heard, for it sounded far too personal to intrude on.

A bell, far off in the castle, sounded midnight and the library was locked. Hermione Granger threw head back and let out a silent scream as her demons descended in the silence. They stood there on the outskirts of her vision, Ron, her parents, and him. They each told a story of disappointment to her, how she had let them down and caused them pain. It was only in this place that she let her weakness show, because if people saw how truly weak she was they would hate her. It was here that she let these tears out because the books muffled the sound of her sobs and darkness hid her face. Here she was a nameless being; no one expected anything from her, and she could dissolve into a tortured creature.

It could have been that hours passed, or maybe just seconds, until her demons disappeared. All save one that stood there and stared. His eyes burned her and his beautiful face made her feel small and ugly.

"What do you know?!" She screamed at him. "Haven't you done enough? I hate myself! Isn't that all you ever wanted?"

He stepped forward but said nothing. Hermione turned her face and bit her lip.

"They all think I'm perfect. Perfect life, perfect grades, great boyfriend. But that just shows what they know. You have it right. You always have. I'm nothing! Not a single damn thing!" She let out another silent scream, and the phantom took another step forward. He was very near now, she could have reached out and touched him. "I hate all of it. This life, the way I have to be, everything they expect from me, I hate it. And I hate myself for never doing anything but what they want."

The phantom reached out a hand and Hermione let out a scream because he was no phantom.

"Go away!" she sobbed. "Leave me alone here. Please."

Draco shook his head. "I will not. How could I? You need me right now."

She shook her head and slid out of the chair with the intent to run, but her legs wouldn't support her weight. Draco picked her up and cradled her.

"Put me down. I know you'll just use this." She was wild, like an injured bird.

"No."

"What?"

He looked down into her tearstained face. "I will not use this. I will never tell a soul about this, Hermione Granger."

Her brow crinkled with confusion. "Why not?"

"Because," he whispered, "they don't deserve to hear this. This would be wrong to share. You have my word of honor that tonight is just between us."

Draco sat down in the chair, keeping Hermione cradled in his arms. She sobbed harder and held onto him. "But you hate me." She whispered.

"No I don't." He pushed a lock of hair away from her eyes. "I have never hated you. How could I? You are so beautiful. So good and pure and wonderful. I don't hate you Hermione. I never could."

Her eyes reproached him for what she thought was a lie. "You sure act like it."

"Don't you see that I had to? What would they do if they heard the truth? They would stone me, Hermione, for loving their beautiful leader. Because that is the truth. That is why I was here tonight in the first place. I knew you would need me." All this was said in a low, fervent tone that cut to Hermione's core. "I hate to see you like this. The worst part is that I helped make you like this. I broke you. And so now I have to fix you. Please let me."

Tears flowed from the beautiful grey eyes, and she began to believe. "Why tonight?"

He looked even more tortured. "I saw you take . . . nightshade from the potions room, Hermione. I couldn't lose you, and I was so afraid. Please tell me I'm not too late."

"I'm afraid too, Draco. I'm afraid to get up tomorrow and see that nothing has changed. I'm afraid of who they want me to be and I'm afraid to change. I am always afraid." She started to cry again. "Can't you see? I'm trapped and there is nothing I can do."

He clutched her to him. "Let me help you. We can change it."

She looked up into his eyes and saw the fire of sincerity in them. "How?"

Draco stroked her soft cheek. "Let me love you. Let me fix you. Leave Weasley, I've seen what he does to you, and I will kill him if he ever touches you again."

Hermione tugged at her sleeve, but Draco stopped her hand. They were there, the dark bruises, and Draco cringed to have his fears confirmed. He leaned down and pressed his lips to each one, trying to take away the pain. Hermione didn't know how to register such gentle caresses; it had been so long since she had been touched like this. She let everything he had said sink in, and still couldn't believe it.

"Are you sure you're real?" She whispered.

Draco looks into her eyes and smiled. "I am as real as you are, and I am not going anywhere. Tomorrow I am going to hold your hand while you say good bye to him, and then I am going to protect you forever because I am real."

"But I've had so many dreams . . ."

"I am not a dream." And in proof, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her tear damp lips. "I am here, and I will be here beside you as long as you let me because I love you, Hermione."


End file.
